Dude, Maybe It Was The Hairspray

I think I finally figured out Global Warming. Really, after this record warm January, who can possibly argue with the facts?

See, it all started with the cavemen. (Oops, I’m sorry – Ancient Dwellers of Subterranian Geological Domiciles.) Some of the cave paintings dating from the last ice age bear surprising resemblance to certain modern urban art forms, leading scholars to believe that this may be the earliest known use of spray paint. (The Eskimos of only a few hundred years ago were known to have an aversion to aerosol cans, possibly because of the great decline in native terrain caused by ingorant and indiscriminant works by rogue cave artists. This may also be where we get the term “New-Age Art”.)

Then came the cows. I think they actually (*ahem*) evolved prior to the A.D.S.G.Ds., but did not come into great prominence until the… (Ah, so sue me) Cavemen began breeding them. Since bovine, modern and ancient, are great consumers of Green & Brown Grasses and great producers of Greenhouse Gasses, the atmosphere degraded to the point where the ice-cap receded even further from the equator. As they say, it was all down-hill from there. (Unless, of course, you were an Olympic cross-country skier living in what is now Texas.)

So in my conquest to combat this terrible trend (or fry trying), I propose we taking cow-tipping to a whole new level and outlaw graffiti. We must do all that we can in this urgent matter – if we don’t, we’ll all bake in another few million years and that would really be tragic.